Survey: Is toxic attractive?

Written on September 6, 2026

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Results

Finally, another survey! I’m mostly recovered from the summer.

One person saw me buying a sign, and asked what the survey was today, and said “I hope everyone who says yes gets therapy!”

For most of the first 12 yes’s and 12 no’s, it was tied! That surprised me a lot, and I thought it would end tied.

But it turned out about 1/3 say Yes and 2/3 say No. Still, that’s a lot of Yes’s!

Everyone who says Yes seemed to be young, in their 20s.

The few older people who chimed in all said No.

One or two young men who put Yes said those who put No are liars.

At least 5 people who put No said they learned the hard way.

A few people who put No said it was due to their parents’ divorce.

One person who put No said it’s just common sense.

In terms of gender, the Yes’s seemed equal.

I didn’t see a single counter-culturally dressed person put Yes. They all put No.

One woman asked why anyone would put Yes, and I said “you’d have to ask the 15 who did.” She noted that there could be a difference between being attracted to it and choosing it.

One young man said he used to be “an asshole” and was influenced by “alpha-male” culture, but that he found people who accepted him for who he is.

A few people asked “what do you mean by toxic?” Some remarked that there’s different kinds of toxic. One person said “everyone’s toxic to someone.”

A few people said some toxic traits are good, and some bad. Half of these people put Yes, half put No.

My thoughts

This survey was inspired by the song of the day, Serial Killer, by Moncrieff & JUDGE, which I found a few years ago and came up again today.

Based on the song’s cover art, I’m thinking it was made around the time Jared Leto played the Joker, where he and Harley Quinn had a toxic relationship. I never saw that movie and heard it was garbage, but movies reflect the pulse of the times, so I wondered if toxic was attractive to people.

It seems to me that people associate toxic with a willingness to break rules, which itself is associated with fun.

As a Catholic, it goes back to Adam, Eve, and the hot dragon man, the first love triangle. Eve was given a choice between the ordinary guy who followed all the rules and was boring, and the hot dragon man who very obviously gaslit her into breaking them, promising her that perfect happiness was only found in freedom from following rules.

This is the very nature of all temptations. But in the context of relationships, it’s the nature of who to choose as a partner.

The younger and more inexperienced people, as Adam and Eve were, are likely to choose someone who is more “fun” in the moment, not realizing that the very same traits which enable that “fun” are the same traits that will bite them right in the ass later on.

But Joseph and Mary, who had the same test, were able to pass it, because they believed that peace and sanity are more useful and precious than the delusional and momentary fun purchased at their expense. This seems to be the same conclusion many people learn the hard way, either from their own lives or those who came before them.

In this analogy, I’m equating “following rules” with “avoiding toxic relationships” not because they’re identical, but because following rules is simply to avoid pain. Rules are usually carved out from the suffering of those who learned the hard way. Their rejection seems to come from distrust of those who created them. Often this distrust is quite merited, so it’s not entirely obvious which rules to follow.

So if one rule is “avoid toxic relationships”, it could be why young people ignore it. Maybe these rule makers are just gatekeeping all the fun. Or maybe they’re idiots who have no idea how cool toxic people really are. Or maybe they were just too weak to handle toxic people, but we aren’t. These are just my guesses as to why someone would choose toxic relationships.