Written on March 28, 2026
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Saturday
I’m gonna be honest. I barely remember anything of what happened during this survey. I didn’t take any notes Saturday night, and all day my mind was extremely foggy.
I remember that it was way colder than I expected, and I had to warm my hands up in Panera several times, and my cigar experience was rather ruined by it all.
I remember one acquainted couple running into me, and me just feeling very empty headed and awkward, and the conversation being short, and me feeling bad about it.
I remember one acquaintance passing me by, smiling and waving at me, and when I waved her over, she shook her head no, pointing to the friend she was with.
For the bonus question, at least a few people thought they should write it down, and I had to explain it was meant to be a conversational discussion question.
Nobody could really answer the bonus question beyond “we are all worthy of love, because we are all human.”
One or two people said that it’s complicated, because there’s different kinds of love. I agree with that. Love from family, friends, and romantic partner, are all different.
A couple people asked if I’m redoing a survey, and I told them it’s slightly different than last week, because this time it’s about whether we feel worthy of love. The problem I had last week was that I got a lot more positive answers than I was expecting. You can feel loved, but at the same time, not feel worthy of that love. So last week I had planned to do this variation this week.
Near the end, someone added the Not Really category, and I wasn’t really sure how it was different than Sometimes, but I was glad they thought about it enough to add it. I haven’t been asking follow up questions as much anymore, because I feel like I’m taking up people’s time, and I don’t want them to feel obligated to stay and answer.
As far as I can remember, everyone who was holding a anti-Trump sign put Always. That stood out to me.
One woman was about to put Always and then put Often, remarking to her friends that it would be a bit overconfident to put Always. I think they had a discussion about it as they walked away.
One young woman put Never and I said that was my answer too, and she said oh I feel so sorry about that, and I said I feel sorry for you too, and I meant it to be sympathetic, a human to human connection, but it came out weird and possibly offensive, and I kind of regret my half of the whole conversation now. I meant only good. Frick, I don’t like remembering this memory.
One group of young men or teenage boys answered, and asked my answer, and I said Never, and it was awkward, so I said don’t worry I’ll figure it out, but that didn’t solve the awkwardness.
Besides that, I don’t remember anything about the demographics or answers or conversations. Sorry guys.
Sunday morning
This morning (Sunday), I used the same exact survey outside St. Peter’s after Mass. I want to start doing my surveys over there too since I’m Catholic and to mix things up a bit. And since I was reusing a mostly finished survey, it hopefully gave those people more confidence to try the survey.
The homeless guy I’ve met a few times answered me with Sometimes, and said people “poop on him,” telling he he means they treat him like he’s not even a person.
Two Catholics put Never. There were two more answers that I didn’t pay enough attention to.
Thoughts
Today was the first time nobody could articulate why they felt this way. Which means I finally found a universally thought provoking question!
As for me, I put Never, but I think my real answer is Sometimes. I agree with the guy who said it depends on the type of love, love for family or friends or romantic love, etc.
The first thing I notice when thinking of my own answer is that there’s a huge disconnect between the feeling and the objective facts.
For example, I feel like I’m a boring person with boring interests, but many people have told me that that’s definitely not the case. If I look at my life objectively, I agree, I’m an interesting person.
Another thing that happens in my head is that I compare myself to others. I tell myself that I’ll never be as successful or good looking or entertaining as this or that random guy. But someone told me, comparison is the thief of joy.
Relating both to friendship and romance, objective value is secondary to subjective value. Certain qualities draw you to a person, but it’s the person that makes you stay, not any individual quantifiable thing about that person.
In other words, I may think I’m boring, but someone else might think I’m very interesting. And it’s that person’s opinion that matters when it comes to their decision of whether to spend time with you.
This implies some pretty good news: more people probably want to spend time with you than you realize! You just have to give them the chance and not shut them down preemptively. They may be open to the idea of having you as a friend or romantic partner, which right there shows that they think you might be worthy! Why prove them wrong?
Moral faults may be the answer to that last question. Whenever I’m being an asshole, I feel less deserving of love, but more needing of it. Sometimes that feeling lingers even after I’ve rectified my moral failures, sometimes for years.
It doesn’t help that bad people tend to encourage such toxic thoughts. But knowing that God forgives me in Confession, and that I’ve healed of those faults, gives me confidence to ignore the haters, keep doing good, and open myself up to friendship and love from others.