Written on March 21, 2026
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Today I wanted to see what would happen if I put out an advertisement for my soulmate. I had no idea what to expect, except that I almost definitely would not find her today.
Here’s a cover of Mr. Jones I found after writing this article that seems to be a perfect fit.
Prelude
Before I did the sign, I was smoking a cigar, thinking up what sign to do today. A woman who was probably on crack and ranting to no one in particular came up and after a minute asked me for a light for her cigarette. She saw my wool brimmed black hat hanging next to me and asked if she could trade hats. I said I wanted to give it to a friend. After a minute I said she could try it on. She did and I told her it’s so perfect on her that she has to keep it now. She gave me her hat in return. She left a little while afterwards and thanked me again.
Then I saw a young man I know, a student and painter and aspiring comic and graphic novel illustrator. We talked about the potential for this sign and he suggested that my requirements were not good. He said I shouldn’t try to change people, and I shouldn’t focus on their past. I thought a lot about that.
The experiment
I started late. About 3pm. Ended at 6pm.
Almost immediately after I put up my sign, a couple in their 40s came up to me and the woman was very amused and intrigued by the sign. She asked if 30s is a hard requirement and why, and I said yeah, for philosophical reasons she has to be younger than me and I’m 40, and she agreed that’s her preference too. I didn’t get a chance to say it’s similar to how she has to be shorter than me. She looked a little disappointed at my answer. It was a longer conversation I don’t remember much of. But the whole time she was looking at me in a way that surprised me given her man was there, but he wasn’t paying much attention. It occurred to me that people consider relationships trade-up-able.
A disproportionate number of black men said things like hell yeah or other forms of approval. In fact almost nobody else did that.
A disproportionate number of black women stopped and read some of it and laughed in approval and often took photos.
A good number of people did a double take a smiled. Many of them took photos. Some asked if they could beforehand. One person said they’d post it to help me find her.
Someone asked if my soulmate has to have any political preference and I said no. In retrospect I think ideally she would be apolitical, thinking politics is mostly for show, but I’m not firm on that.
One young woman I know, who back in December asked me to knock the Mario coins out of her and was disappointed that I wouldn’t, read the sign today and suggested that maybe I’m looking for a female version of myself. It was an interesting thought I hadn’t considered. After some thought, I think I’m just looking for someone in the same state of mind, with a common disillusionment. I’d be okay if she was wildly different in most ways.
Another young woman I know, also a college student, and one who feels like a little sister to me, came up and we talked for a while about many things. I told her about what the other young man said before I did the sign, and she suggested that it comes from the fact that he’s so young and inexperienced. She suggested that the about me section should be equal in length to the about her section to be fair and balanced. I protested that my book and snowball business counted as about 5 slots.
One guy who was probably high on weed but generally seemed normal functioning, asked me “what, did someone kidnap her?” And after trying to explain it a few times he seemed to not get the idea behind the sign and walked on. It was kinda funny how much he seemed almost annoyed at me and my sign while at the same time seeming to not care at all.
Near the very end, a young black woman came up and asked if she has to be in her 30s and I said yeah. She said she is just a number baby and she’s 25 and has 3 kids, as she walked back to her group. Her tone was clearly that she was joking but perhaps genuinely down.
A good number of people looked at me like I’m an idiot. They might be right.
I kept the sign. Not sure what to do with it. Maybe use it again some day.
The meaning
I tried to get across a few points about my dream girl as concisely as I could. Hence the short lines.
The last line, “misses a smell she can’t remember,” for example, is to find a woman who is tired of a life of self indulgence and superficiality, who longs for a time when life was more vibrant and colorful and innocent and wholesome and true.
The idea that the woman should be shorter and younger than the man is deeply rooted in the idea of Adam and Eve and their creation in Genesis 2. A man has a mission and must invite the right woman into it. This is also why women wait for men to ask them out or ask for their number. They instinctively know that if they do the initiating, then they have veered off the path of their own happy destiny.
“Doesn’t care what she looks like anymore,” and in fact barely puts herself together and has given up on makeup, is also based on Adam and Eve and the dragon, the first love triangle ever, which I will have to elaborate more on in my book. But the short version is that she no longer wants to create her own vision of reality physically through brute force.
I didn’t put my requirement that she swore off sex like I planned to, because I wanted to keep the sign PG. But the idea is that she sees that by itself sex is empty, and she longs for a deeper connection. It’s not to say it can’t strengthen a connection, but that it’s not a useful means to building one.
I will not likely ever find her. And in retrospect, I don’t think this ever would have led to me finding her. But that wasn’t the point. I wanted to have an opportunity to think these things through, and get other people’s thoughts on it.
If I ever do find her, I imagine it will be fate. I will come across her and everything will seem right. I just have to pay attention.
But one thing I think I learned is that I have to be the one to look for her. I have to meet more people. If she approaches me then it’s not fate. She can come across me and pass me by. But I have to be the one to initiate the invitation into my life.