Written on December 14, 2025
Wow, it's the first survey ever that's not a landslide! In fact, it was kind of close! We have 50 yes's, and 60 no's by my count.
I wasn't super happy with my wording, after one guy early on pointed out that it was almost a double negative. After he said that, I couldn't unsee it, and kept wondering how many people put the opposite answer that they meant to. All the "no" answers would imply that they believe love should always be unconditional.
Not a good start
I started it late. I got to the sign spot at 10:30, after going to Mass and having a cigar. And I figured it was too cold. So I made an ad hoc sign on some throwaway cardboard saying that I would be in Panera if anyone wanted to discuss the topic. After three hours, nobody showed up. So I changed my mind and decided to rough the cold anyway, and bought the sign board from Blick and got started.
The conversations
One middle aged woman who put a tally for "yes" said "cheaters" and clarified by adding "if they break your trust" or something similar.
One young woman who said "yes" explained that many young men feel entitled to love. She gave an example of a situation that made it to the news, where a boy was rejected by a girl for prom, and many people rallied to support him and put her down.
Two young women stopped and debated for a while with each other about it. It was the first in depth conversation I had today with anyone about the sign. I don't remember all the points they made. But one of them made a distinction between loving someone and being present in their lives, saying you can love someone but still set boundaries and not let toxic people be in your life.
One guy who seemed to be a Hindu, and another guy who has a lot of leather and tattooed, both stopped at the same time to say that it's too ambiguous. That there are too many kinds of love, too many kinds of relationships, and they both said that in some of them it should be conditional, in others it shouldn't be.
One guy said "yes" and voluntarily added the word "pedophiles" angrily afterwards, implying that he believes they do not deserve love.
One old guy looked at the sign and looked away. Then I said "I like your hat" because he was wearing an old fashioned hat. He said thanks. Then turned and asked about the sign. I explained it and he cast his vote. Then he said "find a way to make the world a better place" or words to that effect. Then he turned and walked off.
I admit, I had a harder time remembering the conversational answers today, or taking notes of which kind of people said what answer. It was very, very, very cold, and that may be why. I don't know. I do know I had to warm up in Panera several times, and I felt so out of place bringing a whole sign in and out of there. Which I didn't used to feel.
Maybe I'm just having an off day.
Original intent
As usual, I like to keep the question short and ambiguous. It makes it much easier to get people to mark down their answers. But it also makes them harder to decipher.
This survey came about because I was wondering about the nature of friendship and relationships.
There is something special, almost magical, about being accepted and loved by someone. But it seems like that feeling wouldn't happen if they accepted you no matter what. Inversely, it hurts a lot when you want a relationship of some kind, but are rejected.
Both of these seem to imply, at least to me, that the acceptance or rejection is based on qualities in the person. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll probably come back and edit it later.
Next survey
It will be much warmer next weekend! What survey ideas do you want to see for next Sunday? Let me know in the comments!